So, this is a big one for me. I don't post pictures of myself on the internet much, or really at all. I tend to hate pretty much all pictures of myself. You see, I have really horrible self esteem when it comes to my body. I've been on the heavier / curvier side almost my whole life and I've always hated it. Kid's on the bus tormented me in junior high and there were so many tears then and in high school and even sometimes now because I wish I looked different. I find that I'm constantly comparing myself to other, thinner, taller women and making myself miserable. I think I feel ten times bigger than I actually am. But, the older I get the more and more I'm realizing that life is just too damned short to be constantly wishing you were someone that you're not and unhappy with the way you look. I LOVE clothes and retro, vintage fashion but I'm horrible at dressing myself because it's hard to find vintage things that fit the way they should. I tend to just give up and resort back to my comfy pj's, looking frumpy and honestly that just makes me grumpy. I'm learning to embrace my faults and move on. I've got cellulite (oh, oodles of it) a flabby tummy from my beautiful babes, stretch marks galore and more curves than the law allows. There's nothing better than feeling good about yourself and I've decided that I need to devote more time to helping the inner me feel good about the outer me.
This adorable little shirt I scored at the Salvation Army for $1.50 is a really great step in the right direction. Seriously, isn't it so cute!? I feel so "kicky" today. I love the aqua gingham so much, it's perfect for spring and it fits me perfectly. All of the sewing for my girls this week has me so excited to sew some things for myself that actually fit. I've got so much confidence now in my sewing skills. I've taken the time to do some really honest measuring and analyzing of my body to figure out why I've failed in the past and how to adjust patterns to fit my shape moving forward. I've made a commitment to only buying used or handmade clothes or making them myself. I've spent way too much money in the past on cheap, cheaply made clothes that fall apart after two washes. Enough I say. Just writing this has made me feel a gazillion times better, sharing my faults and insecurities makes them seem less important in the grand scheme of life and I think that's just what I need.
Kayanna,
ReplyDeleteI completely understand where you're coming from; it's so easy to compare oneself to others and see all of one's flaws and everyone else's "perfections." But you're right -- life is too short to doubt and beat myself up because I'm not a tan size two with great legs. And I'm bad at lifting those around me up when I can't be forgiving and encouraging toward myself. Your post is super inspring. And your aqua gingham top is charming.
Go girl,rockin' that shirt!! We all have insecurities, but as you say, as life goes on and you realise how precious it is you learn to accept your own faults. I hate my bum so much it's untrue but I can't do a great deal about it, it's the shape it is and that is that. I now need to search for trousers that help me rock my ass whether I like it or not!!! Great post!
ReplyDeletecute shirt! embrace and show off those curves -- they're great. and perfect for vintage clothing! besides, those gorgeous kiddies are worth any amount of stretch marks and cellulite. i love the shirt, too.
ReplyDeleteYour shirt is adorable - and the belt is a perfect addition at the perfect spot! And I dig how that aqua colors stands out in your tats!!!
ReplyDeletePlease know that you're not alone in wrestling your self-esteem to a manageable level. In this day and age, I think it's utterly impossible for women to not compare, contrast and wish for their packaging to look different - the grass always SEEMS greener, but is it really? You have to decide for yourself. Please think of your beautiful girls and what influence your feelings about yourself may be imparted to them....when I think of what I want my son to walk away with when he's 18, self-confidence is at the top of the list. I know you're a good mama - and your desire to embrace who you are & how awesome you are will have a tremendous positive effect on them!! Though you may not hear it, someday they will thank you for that.
What a wonderful post this is! I applaud your attitude, and I am going to try to remember your words and message. I struggle with issues, myself. Thanks SO much. And very cute shirt!
ReplyDeleteGOOD.FOR.YOU! looks great. keep up the good work! show us some more of your vintage finds!
ReplyDeleteKayanna -
ReplyDeleteYou are brave and wonderful. Also, you have more talent in your little pinky than I could ever hope to have at all.
xoxo,
Molly
Kayanna,
ReplyDeleteThank you soooo much for your extra sweet comment today, you really made my day...it's so nice to hear that there are others out there that are listening and that we can find inspiration from one another!
It wasn't until last year that I ever posted a (full body) photo of myself online - anywhere. It's true, it takes a lot of gumption to do that first upload and let me tell you, with each photo it gets easier and easier and you start to see yourself in a whole new light! like you, i was teased and tortured in junior high and high school about my weight...but about a year ago, i just got fed up with myself and realized the same - that life is too short! I realized that i was taking over for those kids in school, and saying the same things to myself that they had - until one day when i stopped listening. I know you can do the same! So here's to you and your adorable new blue blouse! so, so cute! i really can't wait to see more!
x's and o's!!
Claire
hi kayanna!
ReplyDeletei am so glad that we've recently 'met' in this online world. I have really enjoyed our chats! i absolutely LOVE this post, and that shirt is to die for. awesome find, perfect colour. it just pops! and oh my goodness, i love your tattoos, they are beautiful.
good for you looking at yourself in a new light. I think you look gorgeous up there, look at yourself! i find that so often, people see themselves differently than the world around them does. and it's true, i think, as you get older you finally start to realize what's really important. that is, your health, your family, your happiness. and that doesn't come in a size. take another look, i think you'll see a different girl, the one we all see here.
xo
lesley
the shirt looks lovely, and I'm in aew of your tattoos... I'm on the heafty flabby side too.. and I have some tall skelatal friends that makes me feel even worse about how heavy I have gotten over the last few years.. I say heavy but the word really reads as FAT... I was really depressed over the winter and that really didnt help things but I have decided that not that the weather is almost getting better (I live in England so its still very very grey most days) that I will get out and if not exercize properly I will walk and eat healthier.. not diet because diets never work for me but to get out and be healthier and happier might help me feel better about me. It may not work out that way but I am hopeful that it will. I got a new sewing machine for my birthday so maybe oneday I will be good enough at sewing to make a garment or two of my own as there are never any good clothes in the charity shops here.
ReplyDeleteyou keep going, and be fabulous and happy.
I agree, I loove that shirt. It's a wonderful shade of blue.
ReplyDeleteAs well when I say I completely and totally understand...I really do. I've always been very curvy, big butt, LoL (no seriously - runs in the family) and always wishing I could lose weight, change this, change that ect. Even to this day I struggle with those issues, but bit by bit, Just like you :) I'm realizing what is really important and to love me for me and screw it. And yeah so I'm not a stick and wouldn't be even if I dropped a ton of weight today haha, so I just want to say I loved this post and your blog. Thanks!
oh boy, I think I could have written this post ... I don't know how tall you are, Kayanna, but I am short, and if you're short too, we could be twins ! Short hair, curvy, two babes & all the stretchmarks that go with them, and the total lack of self-esteem, really, everything ... so I hear you, girl, and I would have never put it better than you did. I know I need to drop off a handful of kilos, but I'll never be thin, this I know. I would rather make my own clothes rather to buy ones that don't fit me perfectly. You may be the kick in the you-know-where ... there are so many beautiful fabrics, and summer is around the corner.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for sharing this personal side of yourself. It required a bit of gut, and I applaude you !
sending you curvy crafty mama hugs xoxoxox
... and of course I forgot to add that I loved the gingham ... how could I not ??!!! you sexy you. xoxo
ReplyDeletethat shirt is really cute & it looks fantastic on you! you have a beautiful body kayanna! my hubby and i were just talking about body image earlier tonight & how much energy is wasted on wishing your body was different. and how really unimportant/meaningless it is in the grand scheme of things, like you said. we women can just feel SO much pressure from society.. it is unfair and can be so detrimental. i'm glad to hear that you're moving past those insecurities & learning to embrace who you are :) it is not an easy thing to do!
ReplyDeleteYou go girl! You look great in that shirt! Thanks for your honesty and now that you've gotten rid of those negative thoughts, go take on the world!
ReplyDeleteLovely post! And that's such a great shirt - you look amazing in it. I have a bunch of really cool (well, I think so...) vintage clothes that I'm not brave enough to wear. There's always some excuse: my hair looks terrible, I need to lose weight. So I put on Some Random Clothes instead. You've gotten me excited enough to start hemming and shortening sleeves and wear those clothes! I'm realising that it's often just a matter of knowing what you really look like and choosing the right clothes, instead of blaming your body when the wrong clothes don't fit. (No more long skirts for me, I'll never be tall enough not to look like an igloo.)
ReplyDeleteYou are not the lone ranger...I love the shirt!
ReplyDeleteNice buy!
You look so cute in this shirt! I learned to go with more fitted (shaped - not tight) clothes to show off my curves rather than trying to cover them up with baggy frumpy clothes. You'll look adorable in clothes that show your curvy shape. And the guys will think so too!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog and I think you look amazing.
ReplyDeleteOh please don't pull yourself down, you are young. I spent my thirties/forties thinking I didn't look as good as the next person, HOWEVER! now at 58 I look back at the photos and think I looked quite good, you are right, life is too short so enjoy yourself.
ReplyDeleteNice shirt by the way!
ReplyDeleteJust visited your blog for the first time today and YOU ROCK!!!
ReplyDeleteLove your sewing for your little ones, love your gingham shirt and I love your tattoos too. Curves are great!
xxx
just came over from your flickr photos.....and i have to say this is the photo that caught my eye. i said who is that cute girl with the amazing looking tattoos!!!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog through all the cute clothes you made for kids clothes week and I'm so excited to have found you!
ReplyDeleteYou have wonderful style and you're just beautiful, but I know what you mean about image issues. I shed many tears in Jr and Sr high school, I'm so glad that's over. And while I wish it hadn't happened, hopefully the experience will help me guide my own child through the tough times, whatever her battles may be.
you look awesome in that shirt, not many can carry off baby blue gingham but you look truly ace!
ReplyDelete